I screw men for money. Not literally, think phone sex operator with a 15 megapixel web cam thrown in. They tell me their deepest, darkest fantasies while paying me $6.99 a minute.
What would possess me to engage in such a business? Throw in a tortured past, 24/7 murderous thoughts, and a desire to keep the innocent people of my small town safe.
I was contained, out of the way, sexcamming my way to utter obscurity until HE came along. A twisted client armed with a target's name. Annie. And in that name, everything changed.
Alessandra torre has made her way to my list of favorite erotica writers! This was my first book by mrs. Torre and from the blurb I knew two things:
1. I was going to love it or 2. I wasn't going to be able to stomach it. Yes, I can be a wimp sometimes when it comes to dark reads. I'm going to say after the opening chapter, yes I had that completely creepy/weird WTH did she just say feeling but I was totally in category one, LOVING IT!
This book was erotic yes but it was also psychologically mind blowing as well. Jessica the heroine is a mental case, there is no other way to describe her trust me. Jessica fears herself. She is obsessed with murder and therefore sees herself as a threat to the outside world. Due to this she has Locked herself away in her apartment. I mean literally locked her self away. She has one of her drug addict neighbors lock her in at night. She has all her necessities such as food etc. delivered. How does she make a living you ask? She is a full time webcam sex operator/performer and making some serious BANK/MONEY I might add. I must say the people she met online were interesting. She seriously had clients from ALL DIFFERENT WALKS OF LIFE. Let it be said the way mrs torre described Jessica's works scenes, the girl was talented to say the least.
The demons Jessica faced made my heart break for her. Many times it got so bad her thoughts of seeing no way out surfaced from time to time.
“I think about killing myself. It’s a frequent daydream of mine—a rational thought process, and one that seems to solve the threat of me causing harm to others. I have yet to walk too far down that path. I could blame it on fear, say that I am too cowardly to do it, or too selfish to take my own life. But it’s not that. For some reason, I can’t. Can’t bring myself to take the only life worth taking. Whenever I go there, consider the act, there is a word spoken as clearly as if God were standing in front of me, saying it himself. Wait. I don’t know what I am waiting for, but I do. I wait. "-Jessica
I'm despite all the darkness oozing from her character I was cheering for her breakthrough this whole book. As I read her story all I saw was a broken little girl so traumatized by life's events all she knew was death because at one point in her life it surrounded her.
“That night, in my childhood kitchen, surrounded by carnage—my mother dying in front of me—the screams that came from my mouth weren’t cries of mourning. They were because when I stabbed her, when I shoved that knife in, again and again, when her blood soaked my hands and hit my face, I had experienced relief. My sick, twisted soul had taken her soul; extinguished her life. My mother, the person whose shoulder I had leaned on, who had packed my lunches, kissed my cuts, and been my inspiration, was dead. I had killed her.
That long, agonized scream was for the life I had taken, both hers and mine. It was a scream for what, in that instant, I had become."-Jessica
Uggggg freaking HEART BREAKING!
Well everyone needs a knight and shining armor right, even the mentally unstable? Well Jessica's comes in the from of the delivery man,Jeremy. At first not going to lie I thought he was a stalker and creepy. After delivering her mail for over a year he was infatuated and he only had ever seen her hand. Well one day he gets his chance after hearing strange noises coming from her apartment. Thinking she's in danger he walks in, the door is open by the way, and finds a beautiful half naked girl surround by camera equipment. Ok at this point in thinking isn't that a mans wet dream to see this with his own two eyes? Ya maybe but not with what happened next. Think xena warrior princess with a box cutter. Despite her fatal attraction moment there is undeniable chemistry between these two. Ya weird attracts weird apparently.
As this book plays out we see there strange and brief interaction sparks something in Jessica. At this point I'm thinking yes there is light at the end of the tunnel and she's not a complete head case. Also if I need more hope, she goes and does a selfless act to save a little girl from a client/pedophile. Yup def light at the end of the tunnel.
This book was a dark read and is definitely not for the faint of heart. Jessica's character was haunting on so many levels yet I feel like she grew before my eyes as I read this book. Grew in the sense of self healing with the ACTIONS she took to save a little girls life so she wouldn't grow up with similar demons that plagued her for all these years. Great job mrs torre this book was a different read for me. It was emotional, dark and different on so many levels. I can't wait to read more of your work!
I'm going to end with my favorite part from this book!
“They say God giveth, and he taketh away. Well the night of my mother’s carnage, he gave me the urge to kill. That urge stayed, and my fear of it caused my isolation, which caused me to cam, which caused me to cam, which caused me to meet Ralph, which led to circumstances of me tracking Annie down. And then, it was taken away. For the first time, in a long time, I felt like me again. Like the bubbly, extroverted girl that I had once been, and had been playing every time I powered on my web cam.
It felt damn good to be back.
I don’t know what is going to happen with Jeremy. I don’t know whether he is my “happily ever after” or not. But I know he makes me smile, and I know he loves me—the ‘fucked up, I’ll kill you with your own box cutters’ me.”--Jessica
Again I LOVED THIS BOOK!
Book Rating: 5 stars /A
The Girl in 6E by Alessandra Torre Book Review
Friday, April 26, 2013